girls night

Thursday Brooklyn and I had a special night out.  I took her to the Ballet.  Kansas City Ballet performed Romeo and Juliet at the new Performing Arts Center that looks like the Sydney Opera house.  It was fabulous!  Brooklyn was in heaven.  She got to get all dressed up and glamorous.  I even let her stay home from school that day.  We made a whole day of it!  She was so excited, she kept saying that it was the best day of her life.  Okay, so she says that a lot.  But she really did have a fabulous time, and I did too!

Another one

Tonight we went to our first class of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.  I'm SO excited.  We have been needing this for, well, almost 8 years now.  This is one of the great perks of being a military family.  They are doing this 13-week course for us with the toolkit, and dinner each week, and childcare- all for nearly free.
So Pete and I got the kids signed in for their childcare, and as we were sitting there waiting for the course to begin, I started worrying, and I asked him if we should have briefed the childcare people on Jett.  Pete worries about nothing, and said "No, he'll be fine".  But 30 minutes into the class, a woman called me to the back of the room.  I don't remember totally what she said.  Something about Jett running around.  I said something like: "I'm really sorry. I should have talked to you about my son.  He actually has autism, and we just found out, and I should have explained, I'm really sorry...{tears welling}"  She looked at me with the sweetest look on her face and said "Okay.  I wondered if there might be something there.  My son has autism.  But he's 16 now.  It's fine, don't worry at all, it's just fine".  It was the sweetest delivery, it made me really start crying.  She gave me one of those really long hugs that are so genuine and tender.  And then she said "I'll go sit and play with him right now".
I loved that. I cried more of course. But even though I was at the back of this gym full of about 100 people, and I was crying like a baby and hugging a stranger, I didn't care.  It was one of those really tender moments that won't be easily forgotten.  God sent me another angel.
Of course it was a bit embarrassing to go back to my seat.  Pete takes one look at my tear-streaked face and says "What's wrong?!" in a panicked voice.  The others at the table look startled as well.  How do I explain to Pete why I'm crying my eyes out even though the kids are fine. Sometimes I wonder what goes through his head at times like this.  What does he think about his crazy, blubbering wife {wink}.

Now we need pictures to lighten the mood.  Here are the kids' 2012 Valentines:

Angels

       It's been sort of a cloudy few weeks.  I've been a bit depressed about Jett.  Sometimes a lot depressed.  I know there is a lot of hope for him, but as more and more time goes by, and we are waiting waiting waiting for one enrollment to be approved so that we can begin applying for the next enrollment for which we will need 3 more program enrollments to be able to even schedule any ABA therapy appointments for Jett-  yeah, all that has had me in tears a couple of times.  I am just watching him stagnate. And at times I think he's getting worse.  Maybe because physically he is growing, but mentally and emotionally he stays the same. Or maybe he really is digressing.  These last few weeks he has been pretty disobedient, which isn't like him at all.  And he's been more frustrated with not getting his way. His behavior in church has been pretty awful.  And he is getting too old to get away with that much anymore.  He's not behaving as well in school either.  All this just makes the waiting game that much more awful, because NOTHING is being done for him right now, and I'm out of ideas for what to do on my own.  But it's always at my most desperate times that God sends me an angel.
       The other day I received a return call from ACS.  I don't know how they are at other posts, but our Ft. Leavenworth ACS is WONDERFUL. The 2 women in charge of helping families of children with disabilities are not only extremely capable, and know how to help in every area, but they are so genuine too. They truly want to help.  On one of my hardest days, I got a call from one of the ACS girls asking if she could help me with anything. So I gave her a list of all the things I was getting nowhere on, and she had a way to help with each one, as well as lots of information for me.  That was awesome.
But beyond that, she was truly compassionate, and didn't mind that I kept her on the phone for half an hour talking about details of what we've been going through, books that I've started reading, a video on autism that I rented, and on and on.  She let me keep her on the phone for all that time, and gave me insight from her experience working with a Doctor specializing in ASD.  I got off the phone feeling recharged and really grateful for her.  That evening I was stressing over details of a baby shower my friend and I are putting together for another friend.  I thought to myself "Why do I do this? I have so much going on in my life.  I need to focus on me and on my family.  After this shower, I'm not going to great lengths to do things like this for friends for awhile. I need to focus on us."  But right as I thought that, I remembered that angel girl from ACS, and how much of a difference she had made by taking time out of her day to talk to this overly-emotional Mom who wanted to discuss every detail of her son's diagnosis and how he's doing.  She gave me a boost that I really needed to keep going. So I thought, "No, I'm not going to stop giving my energy to other people.  Truly caring for others is what makes life good". I hope to, at least in small ways, be an angel to someone, and really make a difference like that.

February in full swing

I must shop. I need to shop. It fulfills something deep in my soul. And clothes are my drug of choice. Especially kids clothes. I'm also a bit of a brand-snob. But when times are tough that is really impractical. So I thrift. Last weekend I went to Salvation Army and bought 14 items of kids clothing (most of them Gymboree, Polo, and other good brands) for $9. Nine bones y'all!! My Trace would be proud.
Stone has been in to monsters lately, so I bought him 2 monster shirts.  He was so excited when I pulled them out of the bag!  He insisted on wearing one of them right away.  Ew. That's one thing about thrifting. You have to wash everything right when you get home.
But I reluctantly handed over the shirt to my bright-eyed two-year-old.  I let him wear it around for awhile, but my anxiety level was rising, and I really needed to wash that shirt.  So I asked him to please let me have it so I could wash it.  He said "No. Mommy! My. surt. peshal me! My. monsa. surt. peshal! Don't. take it. Ah-kay?!!"
You got that?  Here's a translation just in case: No Mommy, my shirt is special to me! Don't take it, okay?!"
{SWOON!!} Oh that boy. He is just so cute! I am in a very deep love-hate relationship with the age of two.  They are the most charming little demons!

He looks like such a big boy in these two pictures!!!...

...And then he's a baby again! Love.

While I was grabbing these pictures of him, he said "You take picsha my finger!"  And then did this thumbs up.  I thought that was so cute.  Later I realized why he did that.  We had just been looking through some pictures from early 2011 and he saw this one of Jett...

...and of course Stoney wants to do everything Jett does.  Awwwwww!!!

Stone has been so darn adorable this week.  And sweet too!  I have found myself eager for him to wake up from his naps.  I want to hear the next darling thing he has to say!
I think Jett and Stone switched places this week, because Jett has been really difficult for the last 4 or 5 days. He's struggling.  He's actually starting to get a little angry about things.  I am so sad about that!  I know it's healthy for a child (and adult for that matter) to have a full range of emotions.  But I really, really loved that Jett never got angry.  And I don't want to see that quality go.
Last Sunday the primary went up on stage to sing, and Jett really, really wanted to go up there.  Flashback to last year when the primary sang on the stand, Jett ran up and down the ramp the entire time.  I even took a picture of it because it was a perfect representation of my family:  Brooklyn standing up there, arms folded, singing and behaving perfectly, and Jett running up back and forth the entire time.  It was funny to me.  So I took a picture with my phone.  The Stake President very gently told me later that it's against the rules to take pictures in the chapel. Oops.
 

Jett's on the left.  Brooklyn is in the pink dress

This year, to my surprise, Jett stood perfectly still up there and sang the whole time!  I even got a little choked up watching him, because he has come so far. Of course right afterwards when the other children were filing back to their seats, Jett decided to run to the back of the stand and hide under some chairs.  I walked up there in front of the whole church and got him.  But it wasn't too embarrassing.  I was looking pretty smokin' that day in my long, rugby-striped dress.  Hahaha!! Just sayin!

My Brookie is such a good girl.  She's a good girl, and a good sister.  I am proud of her.  She is always taking care of her little brothers.  A few weeks ago Jett gave a talk in primary.  She wanted to be the one to go up there to the microphone with Jett and help him.  So Pete and I sat in the back row of the primary room and watched.  Jett spoke really loud into the microphone due to putting his mouth so close to it. And he has such a cute little animated voice.  So the kids laughed through his entire talk.  Pete and I didn't mind.  They were obviously laughing because he is so cute, and we didn't think anything of it.  But Brooklyn was getting really upset at all the children.  She kept putting this serious, grown-up face on, folding her arms and saying "SHHHHH!!!!".  She wanted to maintain order and let Jett continue his talk, but the kids were kinda howling with laughter. Afterwards everyone wanted to give Jett a high-five when he walked back to his seat.  It was sweet.  Jett was happy. But Brooklyn was really upset.  I found out later that she sat in the back of the primary room by herself for the rest of the time.  She felt that the kids were laughing "at" Jett. Like making fun of him.  The primary president called and told me all of this.  Brooklyn wouldn't have told us.  When she's really upset about something, she doesn't like to talk about it. She's a sweet girl.
I'd better get back to editing.  I shot a wedding in December and I'm still sorting through these hundreds of pictures.  Still in the Lightroom phase, UGH!  Seeing that I find any and every excuse not to work on this massive load of pictures, I'm pretty sure that wedding photography is not for me ;)  But before I go, I should post these funny pictures.  Friday I asked Brooklyn to go check what Jett was doing.  I heard her let out a loud laugh from the other room, and say "Mom, you have GOT to come see this!!"  I walked in to find that Jett had put on every one of Stone's pull-ups.

                                                           Jett, the pull-up mermaid boy:

Mommy Class, leg swasses, etc.

Okay so I am taking a parenting class at the library once a week.  So far the information has not been spectacular, but I love it because I get to sit there for and hour and a half and focus mentally on being a good Mother to my children.
Mainly I am taking this class because I have a toddler who I have no idea how to handle. Mr. Stone really ticks me off. A lot.  He is SO adorable, as most 2-year-olds are, so I can't stay mad at him for long, but I can't stay UN mad at him for long either!  I haven't understood the phrase "terrible two" until now (which is pretty fortunate considering he is my third baby).  He is a handful!
Pete is really good with Stone.  He doesn't seem to get under Pete's skin at all.  So for the last 2 days I have been discreetly observing Pete when he interacts with Stone so I can copy the way he handles him.  Here's what I discovered:  Pete just plays with him. When Stone is throwing a fit while Pete is trying to change his diaper,  he pretends to do an arm-bar-choke-out-whatever on him and makes him giggle like crazy. Pete will chase him around, and play with him like a boy. Monsters, jujitsu, manly stuff.  He loves it.  I don't play with him like a boy.  I think I play too gently and girly with him.  Not sure I'm going to be able to mimic my husband on this one. I tried copying his diaper-change strategy.  I failed miserably. Stone was like "Uh...what are you doing."

Pete and I are reading a book together every night called 5 Spiritual Solutions for Every-Day Parenting.
(Okay don't judge me.  Yes I am a little obsessed with parenting right now.  I am okay with that.  It makes me happy to be putting photography on the back-burner, and focusing on more important things.  Deal with it. {wink}) So yes, as the parenting obsession continues, my husband gets sucked in too.  We must do these things together.
The truth is I bribe him to read this book with me every night.  I scratch ("swass") his back or his legs (weird, I know. Who likes their LEGS scratched? Weirdo. ;)) and we read the parenting book aloud together.  It works.
Anyway, this book was recommended to me by my incredibly smart friend, Marrian who is an inspired mother, and a well-read person.
I love the book.  It's giving me a better perspective on parenting.  A different perspective than you usually hear.  I really like it!
New Years Resolution update:  I made stuffed chicken and peas tonight! Woo-hoo! We won't talk about Monday and Tuesday night. One day at a time, right?  We celebrate the little successes over here.

We had an Enrichment on organization last week.  Check out the office-supply topiaries that I made for the table decor:  

I was at a loss for ideas when putting together this Enrichment.  Every time I have to come up with something creative, I miss my sister, Shauna even more.  I always wish I could call her for ideas.  She had the most amazing ideas.  Somehow I managed to think this one up on my own so I'm pretty proud of these things.  I gave two of them to Pete to put on his desk at work.  SO far they are still sitting on our counter, LOL.  

I've been doing fairly well with making dinner almost every night.  I still hate it. But I feel good that I'm taking better care of my family.

Brooklyn's doing pretty well.  She does REALLY well in school, at least with her school work.  I can't remember if I blogged about this before, but she gets 100% on nearly every assignment.  They do these practice tests for their standardized testing, and she got 100% on the last 7 in a row!  But I feel fairly certain that she has my exact form of ADD.  The thought of doing any little thing stresses her out.  The suggestion of cleaning her room absolutely paralyzes her.  She is me without my ADD medicine. I get her schoolwork back and it's things like this:

100% correct but forgot to write her name on both sheets, lol.

 I haven't done anything about it, but it is constantly on my mind.  I have to do something to help her.  I worry that she is being neglected because of all our focus on Jett.  We are very proud of that little girl though.  I hope she feels that.

Stoney is as cute as ever!  It's a good thing he's so cute because he is VERY "2-years-old" if you know what I mean. He's into everything! And loves to defy us.  Ugh!  But man is he funny!  His new phrase is  "Are you kidding me?!".  It sounds like "Ah you KIDDINE ME?!!".  And he says "Yam!" for "Here I am!" and "Yiz!" for "There it is!". When I go to a session, Pete will ask Stone where I am and Stone will say "Mommy photo toot!!" SO cute.  Stone is SO bossy. He orders us around constantly, It drives me crazy.  But then he will do something hilarious, (like pretending to straight-iron my hair with the kitchen tongs) and he is forgiven. 

Okay I'm trying not to post so much about Jett, but I'm going to talk myself out of worrying what other people think of my posts.  If I want to write things exclusively for other people, I have facebook for that.  I think of my blog as being mainly a journal where I can record what's going on in my life, and be able to refer back to it. It's also for family and friends to know what's going on with us, and leave their comments and well-wishes.  I feel like God has really blessed me through friends supporting me through my blog.  I've had people that I had lost touch with who have written me with really helpful information, not to mention lots of love and support.  But even though my blog has been really, really wonderful to stay in touch with people, I still need to remind myself to use it primarily as a journal, and not worry if people don't like me posting about one subject obsessively.  Yes, I'm feeling a little self-conscious, haha.  Yes I'm going to talk about Jett yet again.  He's doing so well during the day.  There are times when I feel like he's acting almost like a normal 4-year-old child.  But then he has these episodes in the middle of the night, and during those he seems very, well, there's not a descriptive word that I am comfortable using to describe my sweet Jett- even in his worst moments.  But you get the idea.  During those episodes, he definitely does not seem like a normal, healthy child.  He had a really bad one last night.  He was so upset, he was almost angry.  He was doing a lot of things that you would expect a "special" child to do.  flailing arms, shaking his head and everything.  It's so sad and scary.  This summer when I had not yet accepted that there was anything "wrong" with Jett, he was having a lot of night-terrors (or episodes).  One night he had a bad one and Pete was stressed out because he was trying to take care of him and Jett wouldn't respond to Pete at all.  So Pete, being totally frustrated, was trying to yell at Jett and make him stop freaking out.  He was like "Jett stop crying right now!"  I now understand that he just wanted to help Jett calm down, but was helpless to do anything for him, so he resorted to the man way of handling things.  But at the moment I was horrified that he would actually yell at Jett to stop crying. So I went over there and held Jett and snapped at Pete that- how could he yell at his son when he's so upset?! I said "I think there may be something wrong". And Pete said angrily "Maybe he has autism or something!".  I was FURIOUS!!  How dare he suggest that!  How dare he use such a vulgar word to describe our precious little son?!  And now here we are half a year later with this diagnosis. I think about that night quite often.  No real point to this story.  Just some things I want to remember.
Oh wait, I just remembered my point. I think that I have figured out a clue to the cause of Jett's night terrors.  I have been thinking that he seems to have an episode after a really interactive, full day.  After his big day of being evaluated for hours, he had one that night.  It was his first one in a week.  I started wondering if it was his brain making new connections or something.  The next day (yesterday) I worked with him a TON.  I was constantly pushing him to think differently, and to answer questions that he hasn't previously understood.  He did a lot of thinking that was new and advanced for him.  When I put him to bed I had a distinct feeling that he would have a significant episode that night.  I wonder if there is anything to this.

the news

The other day I was telling my friend that I was nervous about Jett's upcoming evaluation with the child development department at KU.  I told her that my prayer and my wish is that after he is evaluated, the docs come in and tell us that although Jett has     (blank)    it is a very mild form of   (blank)    and, if we work with him consistently and teach him in the right way, he is likely to grow up to be normal... no, even better than normal because he will still have all these amazing strengths that he has minus the problems.

Today we had his big appointment.  Hours of evaluation for him and questions and discussions for us.  Jett loved every minute of it!  He got to play and talk his heart out to this very kind doctor who seemed way more comfortable playing with children than talking to adults ;)
And I finally got to talk with professionals about my wonderful baby boy and all his quirks and charms.  I realized while relaying the details of Jett's personality, that in the last 5 months since the initial realization that Jett has some type of ASD, Jett has made a TON of progress.  I answered so many of their questions with "Well, he used to do be really bad with that, but has gotten way better in the last few months.".  I'm not sure if it's because he's gotten older and therefore improved, or if it's because 5 months ago we had this huge realization, cried for a few days (me, not Pete) and then got to work trying to help him.  Probably the main reason is that, at the realization of his ASD, we started praying our hearts out for our sweet little guy and his uncertain future. God is amazing and incredibly generous.

Back to the appointment: the last step was to meet with the whole team to go over the results.
The doctor started off by asking us if we happened to see 60 minutes last night.  It was about a boy who started college at 10 years old.  He is a brilliant but *normal* kid. He also happens to have autism, but through his childhood, has progressed in such a way that no one can tell in the slightest. He said he can see a similar future for Jett.  They told us that Jett does not have aspergers. He loves other kids and people too much to qualify for that diagnoses (among a few other things).  They said that Jett actually has high-functioning autism, and it IS a mild form.  The doctor said that if we continue to work with Jett, and have him work with OT's and other resources, Jett will flourish.  He said he wouldn't be surprised if Jett was reevaluated in a few years and he showed no signs of any autism spectrum disorder.
I cried.  My wish and prayer for my little boy!  That's exactly what I wanted.  They said we've been doing a great job with him and to continue doing what we are doing and gain new skills and knowledge from all these resources tricare has available for us. He will need to learn social cues, and social boundries. And they encouraged us to try and broaden his range of interests so he doesn't fixate on subjects so much.  There are lots of things he needs to be taught according to his own unique learning style. And that is going to involve learning new parenting skills and a lot of work on my part.  But I feel like his beautiful, kind heart and absolute lack of any kind of malice will be a big strength for him.  There is so much HOPE, and that is huge.
AND they were just CHARMED by the angel-boy and his SWEET little voice, and unbelievably happy disposition. He makes everyone smile everywhere we go.  You can't talk to Jett and not smile. He is SO adorable. Awesome day. I am so full of hope.