Some very important work

Thursday afternoon Brooklyn and I drove to Texas.  We had plans for a girls weekend with my ex- primary teacher/FAVORITE Young Women’s leader/Godmother to my children/and one of my very best friends, Susan Garrison.  I have had plans to take 1^st birthday pictures of her adorable grandson.  And I have been needing to get down to Dallas to do Shauna’s temple work, so instead of making 2 trips I decided to combine 2 trips into 1 and just go down a day early.  Brooklyn had been developing a terrible rash that seemed to explode on our drive down.  She had bright red cheeks and a bumpy bright red rash that went down her arms, legs and bum. We listened to C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce on the way down.  It’s a book that I have wanted to read for years.  C.S. Lewis is absolutely inspiring with his profound understanding of Jesus Christ.  And his book The Great Divorce was incredible.  It changed me for the better, and made life just a little clearer by improving my perspective.  Brooklyn enjoyed it too.  She’s really a smart and very perceptive little girl.

Friday evening went to the Dallas temple to do Shauna’s endowment.  Susan and Randy Garrison met us at the Temple for the occasion.  My Mom agreed to take Shauna’s name for the anointing, as I wanted so badly to stand in for her for the endowment.  I am SO glad I had that opportunity.  It was really special.  I was SO emotional there at the temple.  The tears started as I sat waiting for my mom to be anointed in Shauna’s place, and didn’t stop the rest of the session.  As I entered the endowment room, I nearly fell apart.  I am still not sure if they were happy tears or sad tears.  Both I think.  But the sobs were uncontrollable at times.  The kind that make you shake and your chin and lips quiver.  I know for sure that I missed Shauna terribly there in the temple.  But I also think that maybe since I was taking Shauna’s name upon me, and was standing in her place, that I was also feeling Shauna’s emotions at that time.  Shauna has always been an uncontrolled crier.  Uninhibited sobs such as that are common for her, but rare for me.  I think maybe they were largely Shauna’s.  I kept imagining her next to me giving me those strong side hugs she gives.

    The most special moment for me was the veil.  As I sat waiting for my turn, I watched the 4 Sisters who were assisting at the veil.  One was young and beautiful with the most genuine enthusiasm and bright smile.  She was the type that never goes unnoticed.  A “little ray of sunshine” as Susan had commented a few minutes earlier.  There were two other kind-faced women of average appearance, and the 4th was a very masculine with dark hair in a man’s cut, and slicked back looking even more masculine.  She was large and broad-shouldered and not very attractive according to the world’s standards.  But as I surveyed the 4 women wondering who I would get as my assistor, I found myself surprisingly drawn to the man-lady (as my carnal brain had shamefully nicknamed her before I could chastise myself).  For some unknown reason I hoped that I would get her. And then it was my turn, and I did. 

I approached the veil, and as it was time to give Shauna’s name, she dug through her pile of papers to remind me of the name I was to give, assuming that it was the name of a stranger.  I gave Shauna’s name before she could find the paper and then whispered “That’s my sister”.  The woman put her hand to her throat and put her head down as emotion overtook her.  She kept her head down and clutched my arm as she took a moment to absorb and pay tribute to this bittersweet experience I was going through.  Tears came to her eyes, and as I looked at her, I was no longer looking at an unattractive temple-worker, but was looking at the face of an angel.  She was so beautiful as her pure heart shone through her eyes. It was a tender mercy from the Lord that I was given this small moment with a stranger that meant so much to me.

    After going through the veil, I stood in the overly crowded celestial room wishing that I had a seat to sit by myself and feel Shauna’s presence for the last time.  My parents and the Garrisons were talking and I just wanted to be silent and think, so as soon as the room cleared out I went to sit on the couch by myself.  I fell apart again at the thought of leaving the temple that night.  I just wanted to sit there with my sister.  I knew she was there and assumed that next time I went to the temple she wouldn’t be there, and the thought of leaving was unbearable.  I couldn’t stop crying.

    I am so glad that I went to do her temple work because now she will be able to enter into the presence of the Lord, and I can imagine no greater thing.  I just wish she hadn’t had to go from this earth so soon.  I miss her so much.